Repo Men Review

I was very apprehensive about going to see “Repo Men.” After all, a 20% on the tomato meter pretty much guarantees its going to be a piece of shit on wheels. However, despite my resources I found myself encapsulated by its premise. So then, what premise could be so good as to sway me away from my best intuitions? This one: in the future recent feats in the field of medicine has allowed corporations to be able to create prosthetic organs at the low, low price of $600,000+. Needless to say the average Jo could never afford such pricey necessities, so what’s the solution? Why give them a payment plan of course! But what if you can’t pay that off? Well, when you can’t pay off your house the bank takes it away, when you can’t pay off that fancy new car the bank takes it away, but what about when you can’t pay off your liver, or your heart, or your new left lung? That’s where the Repo Men come in. Sounds like a pretty fucking awesome premise right? It may come to a surprise to you then that film itself is not nearly as bad as the tomato meter makes it out to be, however not nearly as good as it could have been. In other words: a hell of a lot better than “Alice in Wonderland” but no where near as good as “Shutter Island,” genuine mediocrity that if in the hands of a better director and writer could have been something truly great.

As the title implies, Repo Men follows the story of two of these infamous repossession agents. The first is Remy, played by Jude Law, and some other guy played by Forest Whitaker (who lost a ton of weight by the way). They’re job is to stroll around the city with a high-tech scanning gun and check people for overdue organs, then, whether in a crowded city block or in the comfort of their own home they tranquilize the client with a dart and cut out their unpaid for property. The beginning scene gives us a sense of how disconnected from human mortality these men truly are. While getting it on with some pretty lady in his sky-high pent-house one unlucky fellow finds himself tracked down by Remy. The man begs for his life, Remy tranquillizes him and his lover, after which he puts on some soothing music to ease his job of removing the man’s prosthetic organ, a process in which no details are spared. “Wow, this is pretty gruesome and gritty” I thought to myself, only to realize just how two-dimensional Remy really is as a character, even after he has to get a prosthetic heart.

My mind couldn't help but think about Wikus from last year’s magnificent “District 9.” I think one of the reasons that film worked so well was because of Wikus. See, Wikus wasn’t an incredibly smart or physically substantial person in fact he was a somewhat stupid and very skinny, and that’s what I liked about him. He wasn’t your average, gun toting badass; he was a scared little man on the run from an inhumane weapons corporation. The point that I’m trying make is that he was an original, likeable (in the sense that he was hate-able) character: Remy is not. Jude Law’s portrayal of the stalwart action hero is as bland as any, even though he has a British accent. But who can blame the guy, the only person I’ve ever seen be able to make such characters appear three-dimensional is Bruce Willis and Jude Law is no Bruce Willis. Oh yeah, in case you were wondering Whitaker did his job well.

However, the crap doesn’t just end Law; in fact I think the primary problem with this film is its script and ham-handed direction. See, “Repo Men” had a TON of good ideas; however it didn’t flesh them out to their best potential. For instance, there are actually communities of homeless people with prosthetic organs living in decaying urban areas. Sounds pretty intense right? No, not really. “Repo Men” apparently had thought centering the second half of the film on a boring, contrived, and nonsensical romance instead of a story about a hunted and impoverished portion of humanity was a good idea, or perhaps it thought the liberal use of blood and guts would distract us from its idiocy. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that Remy was married and infatuated with this woman at the same time? And to top that off that he DOESN’T want his wife to divorce him. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention he had a wife that left him because of his job. I guess it must have slipped my mind because the film couldn’t really make me give two shits.

The final kicker in this cluster-fuck of mistakes is the ending fight scene and metaphorical sex scene. Remy and Mrs. Love Interest whom, I forgot the real name of because I didn’t really care about her, in a final attempt to outsmart the system break into the corporation building and begin registering their prosthetics into the repossession machine. However, before they can do this they must fight an angry mob of -- knife-wielding business men? Anyhow, onto the metaphorical sex scene: wanting to trick the computer registration system of repossessed organs Remy and Mrs. Love Interest have to cut each other open and stick a high-tech Wal-Mart item scanner into each other to key in the items -- apparently they found this an appropriate time to start making out.

There is one thing that keeps this film from falling apart and that is the very end, which I will not tell you because – Well, because despite all the gaping flaws of this film its still commendable due to its intriguing premise and the fact that it still manages to entertain, even if we do have to switch from thoughtful, philosophical mode to blockbuster-popcorn flick in the first and last fifteen minutes.